h & t

Advertisers should die in a fire

2010-12-12T15:05:00.003-07:00

I have a complicated relationship with our capitalist system. At a fundamental level I am a libertarian. There is simply no way for a government to control markets or economies. Capitalism and free enterprise are the only just ways to allocate capital. Not perfect, of course, and in need of some regulatory oversight. Part of that "not perfect" is advertising. In a system that allows individuals to make choices (this detergent or that one) producers will naturally do what they can to influence those choices. Great. Fine. I just don't care. The cynicism of advertisers is just too much to take. I love Hulu, but every time I click on a show and the advertisers asks me to select from three fucking "ad experiences" I come close to having a rage stroke. Ditto the text at the top of the video viewer during commercials that asks me if "this add is relevant to me". What genius decided that we had reached the point in our cultural and economic evolution where the consumers would now actually fucking help the cynical assholes at advertising agencies rope them in. If you click those boxes you are a traitor of the lowest possible substance and advertisers should die in a fire.

Remote from nature

2010-12-12T13:37:00.002-07:00

Aspens in deep winter with the light fading. This transported me back to the time when I used to find myself outside on a regular basis. Fishing, skiing, even working. I know what this feels like, looks like, and smells like.

A girl named Henry?

2010-01-31T14:35:00.003-07:00

Sometimes a cheesy pose works and sometimes it doesn't. File this in the "works" column

Ladies, this why you should resist the lure of the nose-ring

2010-01-20T21:32:00.004-07:00

She's absolute perfection. The nose-ring is like the shreek of an ambulance siren in the middle of a Bach cantata. A neon sign in Yosemite. But you know, it's beyond metaphor and simile: it's a nose-ring on a beautiful woman. If I were trying to describe why a neon sign in Yosemite is wrong I'd say, "it's like a nose-ring on a beautiful woman."

That my girlfriend

2009-11-21T20:11:00.001-07:00

What's up, dudes?

2009-09-30T17:10:00.003-06:00

Dig that jacket

2009-09-27T14:34:00.002-06:00

Adolescent Denzel for the win. I'd pay large sums of money for that houndstooth.

If anyone knows where this house is, let me know.

2009-09-26T17:47:00.002-06:00

And then buy it for me.

Dear ESPN, I hate you.

2009-09-22T22:23:00.006-06:00

It's hard to put into words just how much I don't care what John Kruk thinks about anything. Not just baseball. Anything at all. Let me be explicit, just in case it's not clear: I don't care what John Kruk thinks about anything.

I love baseball and I can't watch a TV show called "Baseball Tonight" because it is so aggressively shitty that it's unwatchable. Is anyone sitting around wondering what Fernando Tatis thinks of the Dodger's post-season chances? No. The answer to that question is no. He's too stupid and too bland for anything remotely interesting to come out of his mouth.

End rant. But please enjoy this lovely umbrella with my compliments.

☂

Día de los Muertos

2009-09-21T22:53:00.018-06:00

If you want me to absolutely click the hell out of a link what you need to do is entice me with something like "Macabre Mexican Art". I will clicky-clicky that link up, down and all around. I will click that link like there's no tomorrow. Well done, Telegraph UK. God bless you, weird Mexican artists. What's more awesome than skeletons in sombreros? Absolutely nothing. Look at that horse! Sheer genius . . .

I'm trying to eat here, man.

2009-09-18T23:15:00.005-06:00

I went to a conference today that dealt with autopsies (don't ask). As we were eating lunch, without warning, the guy put up a full color picture of a body, mid-autopsy. A giant picture of a body split open like a goddamn Christmas goose. That was bad enough. Then they moved on to the baby autopsy pictures. Good Lord. But he also showed a picture of a big hairy guy in lingerie that had accidentally hanged himself whilst masturbating. Which is the worst way to go. There's going out in a blaze of glory with your boots on, and there's going out wearing lingerie while doing the whacka-whacka. You suck at dying, brother.

Overall, it was a pretty odd way to spend two hours on a Friday afternoon.

Oh, that's a picture of my new pickup. I don't actually have any autopsy pictures in my personal collection.

Truer words were never spoken. . .

2009-09-18T23:03:00.002-06:00

The most random picture ever? Yup.

2009-05-10T22:03:00.003-06:00

Marilyn Monroe holding a photograph of a young Abraham Lincoln.

Um . . . ok.

2009-05-10T21:54:00.005-06:00

2009-05-10T21:29:00.000-06:00

2009-05-10T21:22:00.002-06:00

2009-05-10T21:12:00.001-06:00

The Most Awesome Picture Ever? Yup.

2009-04-30T20:04:00.002-06:00

The tank top, the bra strap, the cigarette. And most importantly, the facial expression. My God, the look on her face.

And what is she doing in that parking lot? Just kicking it, having a smoke?

I can't decide . . .

2009-04-14T18:37:00.007-06:00

Which one do you like best?

I love being a red-head but it's a little extreme, no? Perhaps a brunette?

Or, I guess a blonde. Sorry for the birdie. I was just having a bit of fun with my mate, Jimmie. No offense to you personally, gentle reader.

It surprises me how different I look in each of these pictures. I shouldn't tell you this but the differences are due to gypsy witchcraft, or gyps-craft.

Hey there.

2009-04-14T18:00:00.003-06:00

Either she belches electricity or her tonsils have an idea.

Sugimoto

2009-04-09T17:48:00.004-06:00

I love this photo without reservation. I want it in a giant print on my living room wall. I looked into it and a print costs about $10,000 - minimum. If I had a spare $10,000 this is the first thing I'd buy. Note to self: acquire an extra $10,000; also, a girlfriend.

UPDATE: Completely unbeknownst to me, a Sugimoto photo is on the cover of the new U2 album No Line on the Horizon. I had no damned idea. I saw the picture above on the ridiculously awesome website BigFun. (That website is for grown-ups only.) I'm kind of obssessed with this picture now. But now that U2 has gotten involved I'll never be able to afford one for my wall. You gotta give U2 credit, they have a great eye for photography. All the Anton Corbijn photos over the years have been top-notch. Now Sugimoto. Well done, boyos.

Please, no more pictures.

2009-03-31T23:15:00.003-06:00

I just want to make art and be creative, can't I just be left alone. I never asked to be a celebrity.

Just playin'. I really just wanted an excuse to show off my new scarf. Awesome, right?

It's driving me crazy . . .

2009-03-31T22:36:00.001-06:00

If you don't think this is funny then I hate you. If there's a bad pie-chart joke I haven't heard it.

Gisele, my love

2009-03-31T22:17:00.005-06:00

Gisele is playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. She's the Secretariat of people. Or maybe Secretariat was the Gisele of race horses. And if you're offended that I'm comparing Gisele to Secretariat then you don't know how much I love Secretariat. Or Gisele.

Work it, Girlfriend.

On why Phoenix in March is awesome.

2009-03-31T15:37:00.005-06:00

This was Sunday afternoon:

That's the Dodgers versus the Padres in beautiful Glendale Arizona. If this picture was better you'd be able to see that the hitter is Manny Ramirez. It was 85 degrees with a cool breeze. The beer was extra cold and a pleasingly large number of beautiful latina Dodger fans did not burden themselves with any excess clothing. Heaven, in other words.

This was 6:00 a.m. Monday morning:

Talk about back to real life, man. I like the snow and all but enough already, God. We get it, you can bring snow in spring time. Noted!

Crazy cat lady

2009-03-29T11:15:00.005-06:00

That cat has the confident look of a trained killer. I'm scared of that cat. And a little turned on. Did I say that out loud?

Go Aggies

2009-03-29T11:02:00.005-06:00

Aggie cheerleaders representin'. . .

Oh, like you've never done this before.

2009-03-25T21:02:00.002-06:00

You can pretend like bullets aren't the perfect size to serve as toe separators but you're not fooling anyone. I mean, duh. Am I right, ladies?

In related news, isn't my spider tatt bitchin' and/or awesome? You can be honest. Is it the coolest thing you've ever seen or just mind-blowingly tits?

Gimme your money or the dolly gets it.

2009-03-25T20:58:00.002-06:00

I was only kidding around though. The dolly is fine. But in reality that 9mm woulda blown a hole right on through without even really stopping.

Check out my brand new kitty cat.

2009-03-25T20:48:00.004-06:00

Her name is Trouble because that's what she is. Her mother was killed in a shirt factory fire and she's been on her own ever since. The picture makes her eyes look bluer than they really are. My eyes are actually that green though, clownishly green you might say.

The other picture is what happened to former kitty. I loved her too much and she showed me her tail-lights. Love is a cruel mistress, no?

Yeah, I know. I can't believe it either.

2009-01-23T21:27:00.005-07:00

So I'm back from my self-imposed exile from the bleegin' and the bloggin'. My original goal had been to document my journey from girl to woman, but that became difficult seeing as I'm actually a dude with no aspiration for gender reassignment. No, in all seriousness, my goal was to let all you idiots accompany me on my path from law student to lawyer. But I got bored with that and also busy being, you know, a lawyer and all. I found a job after I passed the bar exam and have never looked back. My current salary is $7.6 million dollars per month which, you may be surprised to learn, allows me to just barely make ends meet.

This is me after I got my hair dyed black.

Bar Exam, Schmar Exam

2008-09-16T21:49:00.004-06:00

Just in case anybody cares, I passed the July 2008 Utah Bar Exam. So it would seem that many years of fancy book learnin' are at an end. Good riddance, learning! Here's a picture of me right after I got the news. I'm so happy!

I broke blogging silence to dispel the notion that Bar Exam failure prompted my decision to kill the blog. Some really dorky, unliked kids at my law school still read the blog and I wanted to let them know that even the stupidest kid in school can pass the Bar Exam, just like I did. So, in a way, I'm an American hero.

Aloha Can Also Mean Goodbye

2008-05-12T14:24:00.003-06:00

After having an epiphany on the seriousness of life -- and a sincere, Luddite wish to have zero online presence -- I killed the blog. Stuck a knife right in its heart. As a parting gift please enjoy this Youtube of a really cool girl playing the hell out of the drums.